Corporate Conversations

From my observations most employees in a corporate have a fantastic way of developing and entertaining conversations that are least productive. And I find this ironic considering the efforts and money pumped in to making corporates efficient and productive.
Some of the most pointless conversations I have come across during my career are listed below;
- People’s erratic sleep patterns. It is imperative to hear each ones sleep routine to the very details. Recently I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation about a group of individuals sleep patterns for each day of the week. At least it has given me some insight on what the person’s mood will be on each day of the week. And accordingly I can plan my conversations.
- If point 1 is not enough, you have to hear about their significant other or their spouses erratic sleep patterns as well.
- Then there are the wonderful things that your colleagues children do, examples; about how cute it was when they pooped in your colleagues hand, and you are left wondering if that is where the disgusting smell is coming from. Or you will have to listen about the funny faces their kids make during various parts of the day and what is worse is when you have to have to put up with your ugly old colleague trying to imitate the faces their kids make. Be warned, you could have nightmares!
- Of course there is always time for talking about recipes, any bachelor will find this beneficial but not at the expense of running late for a meeting being chaired by the vice president or your department or much worse by the CEO himself.
- Then there is make-up, oh ya!! Hours can be spent on this. I am fully aware, thanks to my female colleagues, about what a moisturizer does and how it is different from cleansing lotions. And if you come to me with dry skin or a zit on your face I will be able to prescribe something for you with full confidence.
- Relationships!! This is a biggie. You will undoubtedly hear, ‘my husband…he doesn’t lift a finger….’ And ‘my mother-in-law she is one absolute b@#$h, she thinks her son is the best’ and during the entire discussion we are given the impression that the person talking is always being victimised or receiving the shit end of the stick. Reality is, that is how I feel having to listen or being forced in a position to listen about these things.
- This is classic – threatening, but ends by saying I was joking. If an employee does not give the team a treat for a certain happy occasion, you will hear the supervisor say ‘guys just remind me about this during appraisal time and then I will take care of this….(one loud laugh) but I am just joking eh, just joking’
- The next one is closely related to my previous point, TREATs. Someone gets promoted or it’s a birthday or an anniversary or clears exams or buys a new shirt or sneezes would end up being a reason for a treat. This is with no concern about how much the other person is earning or what the other person is feeling, all they want is a TREAT. There are ways and means of evading this entirely unreasonable demand for a treat. And the way it is demanded makes the person feel that they were better off not being born or left without a promotion or even should have failed in their exams.

These are my observations, I would like to highlight that this list can be quite exhaustive. So please if there are things that you would like to add feel free to leave your comments.

I am sorry, I forgot to mention. In between all of this, some work gets done. I am not sure how, but it does.